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Eli Jaxon-Bear September 10, 2016 Webcast: Money, Survival and Integrity

So without doing anything at all right now,
can you listen to the depth of the Silence, just listen? How deeply can you hear the Silence inside
of you? How vast is It? Now shift your attention to your thoughts. See and hear your thoughts. And now shift your attention back to Silence,
letting go of the thoughts, no need to finish the sentence. You can drop that train of thought. And which do you prefer? If you fall in love with Silence, Silence
will lead you. Silence will teach you. Silence will open everything for you. If you stay addicted to the noise in your
head and your thoughts and voices–what you call thinking–you’ll spend your life running
in circles, fighting battles, going through all sorts of turmoil, all based on your thoughts. So just notice what you’re in love with. Thank you for being here. This is the number 5, part 5 in a series,
and while each chapter stands alone, if you haven’t seen the first four, I really recommend
it. It will bring you into a model for self-reflection
and self-awareness that can be extremely useful, as each section builds on the one before. And what we’re starting now, we’re starting:
‘Money, Survival and Integrity.’ Something I haven’t really discussed much
in my life. My focus has always been on penetrating deeper
into the illusion rather than dealing with the illusional phenomena, but it’s useful. It’s useful ’cause I just encountered a woman
who told me she was on her spiritual search and she went to San Diego, did a bunch of
groups and workshops and now she’s enlightened, and then she figured, now what do I do after
I’m enlightened? And she heard a talk by Adyashanti, I believe,
on: What do you do after Enlightenment? Something to that effect. And now she’s off doing that. And I said, ‘Well, what is it?’ And she said, ‘Well, just be happy. Do what you want.’ I’m sure that’s not what Adyashanti said,
but that’s what she heard. And so we often spiritualize hearing what
we wanna hear and doing what we wanna do–we’re giving it a spiritual overlay. And that happens a lot with money. So what is your relationship with money? Let me give you some clues. In my experience, there’s the desire to accumulate,
and there’s the guilt and the shame of having it, and then there’s the hatred of it. Those are three basic emotional stands that
many of us take towards money. But before I go that far, let’s say that everyone–if
you’re listening to this, you’re past the survival stage of money or you wouldn’t have
the time and the leisure and the equipment to sit and listen to this. This is not the talk for the people who are
in survival. True survival. And most of our planet is in survival mode. You do what you can to survive. If you’re on the labor gang in Auschwitz,
you do it. If you have to shovel the bodies into the
oven, you do it. You do what you have to do to survive. And I’m not speaking about that level. Cause money is survival. In our case. But if you’re past survival and you still
have a neurotic relationship with money, that’s who I’m addressing. Now a lot of people in our spiritual subculture
worship money–but spiritualize it. They call it ‘co-creating, manifesting.’ This really started…as an old man now, I’ve
been around long enough to have seen all the trips come and go, from the 60s on, and Shakti
Gawain–I was in a dance class with Shakti Gawain and my partner, before she was Gangaji–and
Shakti wrote a book called ‘Creative Visualization.’ And that really came out of our psychedelic
movement at the time. When we took LSD, it revealed certain truths
about the world: That the world is not as it appears; that it’s a dream state; that
it’s plastic–it’s not fixed and solid as it appears, although it has those certain
rules, that’s just the surface phenomena. And acid showed us that so a lot of us tried
to change the world by changing the dream, by working at the macro-level. Eventually I realized that it has to be done
micro: Heart to heart, soul by soul, one by one. And so that’s what I’ve been engaged in for
the last, oh, forty-something years. But what Shakti did was take creative visualization
and make it into a selfish prosperity consciousness mode of manifesting your reality. Not evilly or bad intention, but it was her
insight into how this thing works. And it became an industry: How to create your
reality. First it was manifesting; then there’s co-manifesting,
co-creation. Like that. And all of that is about trying to get money,
trying to be successful and have a lot of money. And visualizing it, bringing it into your
life, magnetically attracting it. All of that is based in selfishness with a
spiritual overlay. And people who often say, ‘Well, if I had
enough money, then I could…’ and will say, ‘I need to make enough money so I can follow
my dreams.’ This is a worship of money. And it comes from a basic selfish impulse
of survival. So people chase money. They’re willing to go where it is and do what
it takes to get it. If you’re in survival mode, this is useful. But if you’re not in survival mode, you see
how it can be a self-betrayal. And I’ll get into that in a bit. Also, what people do with money is they run
from it. They don’t want it, they’re afraid of it,
because of the implications of it. It’s the root of evil. And so–living without it. And I did that and I’ll get into my own personal
as we go along, because I’ve done all of these things–I’m just like you. But let’s start with a little bit of history
because I…I was always a bad student but I was smart enough to get by and I never really
learned much. But I’ve been reading history a lot, these
last few years, and I love it. And if you look at history, trade has sparked
civilization to a profound degree. And trade is older than you can imagine. Lapis lazuli, which is mined in the Hindugush
in Afghanistan, shows up in Mesopotamia, 5000 BC. Mesopotamia is in what is present-day Iraq,
on the Euphrates River. So there was trade going on from the mountains
of Afghanistan to what is now Iraq, 7000 years ago. This trade spurred civilization in many different
ways. First and most importantly, perhaps, is writing. We’ve had 5000 years of written language in
the western world. 2500 of that is in cuneiform, coming out of
Sumeria and Mesopotamia. And the first writing develops for trade:
I’m sending a sheep to you, I put a stamp on it in clay so that that stamp is my seal,
you know. Pretty soon I’m putting three sheep stamps
along with my personal stamp so we know inventory and who it comes from. That gets more and more elaborate and it grows
until pretty soon there’s thousands of signs. And these signs become a language. And out of that comes poetry, literature. The story of Gilgamesh. One of the first hero stories of civilization
comes out of Uruq, which is 4000 years ago, and we have it because it’s been written down. The amount of cuneiform that’s been found
is beyond what we could…has been read; there’s…I think 80% of it is still unread. Because it was done in clay, it didn’t dissolve,
didn’t disappear. And when it was burned, it even hardened. So language written down, such a massive change
in our culture. In our consciousness. In our world. Comes from trade. Along with trade, you have to have something
portable that you can use. The first coins. What’s interesting, out of Sumerian, one of
the words in Sumerian that I learned is ‘souk.’ ‘Souk’ means marketplace. Throughout the Middle East, you’ll find souks
today. The coin that was used is…it’s a shekel;
there are still shekels in the world today. So we’re really living in a culture that started
7000 years ago in what’s now Iraq. And money becomes the token way of promoting
trade. The Chinese presented so many earth-changing
revolutionary innovations into our culture: paper and gunpowder. The British Empire is based on having gunpowder
on ships. Before that, it was cavalry. Cavalry ruled the world until gunpowder came
to the west. But also the Chinese brought us paper money. Paper money, piece of paper that we believe
has certain value ’cause we believe in the emperor of China and so we trust it and we
use it to exchange goods. It’s the start of money. Pieces of paper that we collectively go into
the trance and agree it’s worth something. And then we give our lives to it. So for just a moment, let’s do a little experiment:
If you just close your eyes…drop inside and just hear yourself…you’ll never have
to share this with anyone else, you can really honestly investigate for yourself: What’s
your relationship with money? Do you desire it? Are you guilty and have shame about it, about
having it? Or do you hate it, feel like it’s corrupting? Just take a moment. Your own secret information. That’s very good. If you didn’t find the answer, you can do
this at your leisure. It’s there waiting for you. And usually I don’t speak personally, but
because money involves all of us, I’d like to just tell you my relationship with money. I’ve always loved having money. Always. In the seventh grade, I started working and
I worked ’cause I liked having money. But then, when I went to Alabama as a civil
rights worker–I wasn’t a civil rights worker, but I went to Alabama on a march with SNIK
(SNCC)–I saw something I’d never seen before: I saw a poor black community that was happier
than anything I’d ever seen before. Wasn’t like my neighborhood. Growing up in New York, everybody was fighting
with everybody all the time. Kids were yelling at each other, parents were
yelling at kids, kids were yelling at parents–everyone was yelling and fighting. I went into this Montgomery, Alabama–poor
people, really poor by our standards, and they were happier. They had a deeper relationship with each other
as their community than we had on our street in New York. So it showed that money did not bring happiness
to me. I learned that when I was 18. But also I felt guilty. I felt guilty about my class privilege, that
I had all this money and they didn’t. And that was something I had to deal with. So when I graduated from college, I became
a VISTA volunteer, a poverty worker, where you get no money for basically working in
the ghetto. And when that was over, I went to work in
a steel mill ’cause I wanted to shed my upper middle class bourgeois New York existence. And I went to work in an open hearth of a
steel mill. You know, just learning. But all this is building to a point. And that is: after the steel mill, I got a
fellowship to go to graduate school. I was getting a doctorate, all expenses paid,
both tuition and housing, all covered, I didn’t have to do anything but show up and it was
very easy. I was doing really well. But then, revolutionary up-swelling happened
when the Vietnam War escalated, Nixon invaded Cambodia and that uprising generated Kent
State where students were shot. I was part of that uprising at my campus. And I had a choice at a certain stage: Do
I stay in the safe secure guaranteed job, guaranteed comfortable life, work as a professor
or work in the State Department, International Law…those were the avenues that were open
to me?–or do I step off into the Unknown and give up my security? And I made the choice to step into the Unknown. And that’s why I’m sitting here with you. I’m not a retired college professor somewhere. That choice gave me life and gave me freedom
in a way I’d never experienced it. So really the question is: What are you willing
to sell out for? You have to examine this for yourself. What are you willing to do for money–what’s
your price? What are you willing to settle for? When my spiritual search started, I went to
Peru in 1972; there was a moment when I spent my last 3 soles. Soles were worth 2 cents at that point and
so I had my last 6 cents. I bought some oranges and I bought some chocolate. I had no…my possessions were what fit in
my backpack. I had my hunting knife on my belt, my boots
, my backpack, 2 pair of jeans, 2 pair of shirts–and no money and no prospects. And it was liberating. It was my first time experiencing no money–and
it was liberating. You may never have that opportunity to physically
run out of money and have no money–but you can have it by cutting your dependence on
money. But let me say this also. I wasn’t in survival mode. Even though I had nothing, physically, materially,
I knew I was on a spiritual mission. I knew my life had been given in service and
in that, I knew Mother Earth would take care of me. Mother Earth is always taking care of me. Money shows up in mysterious ways. And so, really, that’s what it’s about. Who are you serving? If you’re serving survival, family survival,
naturally as most people are, you’re a slave of that. If you’re serving something bigger, if you’re
serving this cause of awakening, if you’re serving your spiritual search, if you’re serving
something that’s deep and true, then that’s what’s trustworthy–that’s where you give
your life and that’s where your money will come from in some mysterious way. So I’m not suggesting going homeless on the
street, although I have been homeless and it was fun, fun, fun. But I wasn’t homeless in a despondent victim
way–I was happy. I was on my search and happy. And in that, miracles happen, mysteries happen–not
because I created them, not because I visualized them– but because I was given in service
and Life gave itself back to me. And that’s what’s available for you. It takes deep honesty with yourself. Nobody else needs to know. This isn’t about sharing. It’s not about telling anyone else anything. It’s your own deep inside questioning: What
do you sell out for? In the deepest way? How do you betray yourself for money, for
security? For desires? There’s a very different, very big difference
between following your bliss and manifesting your dream. I was very lucky to have been in a group with
Joseph Campbell, who coined the phrase ‘follow your bliss.’ And that gets very easily misunderstood. Bliss gets associated with pleasure and desire
and sex–and it’s not that. When Joseph Campbell said, ‘Follow your bliss,’
he meant the deepest Love of your heart–whatever it is. If you follow the deepest Love of your heart,
It leads you: It provides the money, if it’s needed; it provides the job, if it’s needed. It’s not up to you. Whereas manifest your dream–there’s a dreamer,
a doer, somebody manifesting. And when you’re trying to manifest your dream,
it’s a lot of work. There’s always someone involved in the manifestation. And that’s the suffering. That someone, the doer, is the egoic identity
of the someone who’s doing something to get something. And that’s the nature of samsara–that’s suffering. And it’s possible for you to end suffering. That’s why we’re meeting like this. If it’s possible for me to end suffering,
it’s possible for you to end suffering because we’re the same. We speak the same language. We wear the same kind of clothes. We eat the same kind of food. We have the same background basically. And we all want the same thing. We all want a world of peace. We want a world of peace, happiness, fulfillment. That’s what my life is given to. And if your life is given to that, it’s beautiful. And you’re happy. You’re one less spot of suffering on Mother
Earth. You’re not causing problems. You’re not ranting and raving and feeling
betrayed or feeling hurt and victimized. There are no victims in that. When your life is given, it’s out of your
control. When you’re feeling victimized, you’re taking
it personally. Because you did it or they didn’t do it. And so really, that’s what this comes down
to. Money, survival, integrity comes down to integrity. And integrity–integer–wholeness only comes
from testing. And money tests us. Money is one of the traps that tests us. What’s your price? What are you willing to do for it? And when you pas this test–if you stay true
to yourself–your integrity deepens. Then you become a source of integrity in your
community. Not by preaching, not by teaching, not by
showing–but simply by being who you are. Others will notice. Others will catch it from you. And you’ll find it spreads from heart to heart. All right, Beau from Australia. So inspired listening to your story, I feel
like I’ve had similar experiences of trust and of being supported. Yes. When I’ve…when I’ve been…at times in my
life when I’ve given myself to a deep honesty of my own cause. Yes. And it is so inspiring to hear you speak in
that way and stirs it within me. I…my difficulty is that often I fall into
confusion in which I…my mind kind of tends to hijack…hijack things and
I then have made a…have seen it, I’ve made a miss in trying to…to describe this…my
mind is, has at times made a mess by being so driven on my…on an ideal. Beau, lemme ask you a question: If you could
generate confusion right now, notice where it happens–where does confusion happen? Up top, in between my temples. Yes! In between your temples. Talk. Very good. And if you drop out of the talk, what’s the
emotion underneath that drives it? Fear. Fear! That’s beautiful, Beau. That’s great. That’s right. So every time… I’m afraid of making the wrong choices so… Very good. I’m afraid of making a mess. Yes. Hurting people and… Of course. So Beau, every time you’re in confusion, it’s
being generated by fear. So now, what if instead of going into the
space between your temples to listen to what fear says, you actually just invite fear? Be fear. Be afraid. Without doing anything at all. Just being afraid. And what’s under that? A few…a lot of energy… Yes. …Rising… So fall into the energy arising. Just be it. Without any name, any thought. Be the energy rising. And fall so deeply in, you can find where
this energy’s arising from. Where is this energy arising from, Beau? I’m not sure. What do you find? Nothing? The open…everywhere, I suppose. You’re finding, I’m sorry, say it again: What’re
you finding? Where does it arise from? I feel like I sink into it and it’s big and
deep and open. Yes, very good. So from here, allowing yourself to be big
and deep and open, the decision’s already been made, whatever you’re confused about. And if you tell the truth to yourself, you
know what the right answer is. Right? Yeah. So every time you’re lost in the space between
your head, your ears, lost in thoughts, that’s a signal, that’s the dharma bell ringing,
saying: ‘Beau, you’re avoiding fear.’ So you fall into fear, experience the fear–and
as you did, you found under fear was energy. Under energy was this vast timeless Space. And as vast timeless Space, there’s no confusion. Everything will be clear. Everything is obvious. And the choices actually are already made. Just stop fighting with the choice that’s
there. Yeah. I’ve been, yeah yes, doing a lot of fighting
and…in fear. Good. I feel like I have known for sometime what
the deeper honesty is, and just have been fighting with it because of my projections
of the repercussions of it. Yes! That’s it, Beau. That’s so beautiful. This is so good. You’re unfolding the nature of the human psyche. We project the possible negative consequences
of staying true and so we don’t–we fight with it. That’s right. People in relationship are afraid to be truthful
with their partner because of the possible negative consequences. A partner could blow up. We could lose the relationship. So instead of being true to myself, we swallow
it. And in swallowing it, you betray yourself,
you betray your partner. In the same way, by fighting by what you know
is true, because you’re afraid of the consequences. That’s not confusion–that’s living in fear. And a byproduct of living in fear is confusion. So if you’re in confusion, then that’s a byproduct
of living in fear. Yeah. Great. Feels like such a stagnation. Yes. As well. Yes. To stay there. Yes. Against the honesty. Yes. So what if right now, everything that’s happened
in the past you’ve recognized it, you’ve seen it–what if you finish with it in this moment
and you stay true to yourself from this moment on? What’s that experience right now? It’s both terrifying and energizing. Yes. And…and the energizing is like a spark…
that’s been extinguished for a while, I suppose. Yes, that’s so beautiful, Beau. Then the fear can’t touch you. Yes, it’s terrifying, of course. Doesn’t matter though. That has no weight because you stay with the
spark–you give your life to the spark. And then the spark grows to a flame, and the
flame grows to a fire, and the fire is a holy fire. Then your life begins. Wow. So beautiful, Beau. That’s…one time…the last time I really
was walking along that edge of fear and spark, I felt everything come apart and burn and
I felt so alive at times and yet so completely destroyed at times that…I began to really
shake a lot and…that… Beau… There is still some conditioning of fear there. Of course. There should be fear there. That’s natural. That’s good that there’s fear. And it’s important to fall off on both sides:
You fall off into bliss and you fall off into fear–you fall off into the aliveness and
you fall off into destruction. It’s very good. It’s useful. You’ve done that. Really well. But now, you don’t have to walk between those
polarities anymore–you can fully embrace the Truth, no matter what. Then every time, those polarities show up
because of mind attacks. Those only happen you start thinking about
it. Yeah. And check it out, you’ll see. You start a thought: ‘Oh no, but what?’ ‘Oh, but what if?’ ‘Oh, I shouldn’t,’ or ‘Oh no!’ Any thought like that–you’re back in hell. You’re back in fear. You can stop. Every thought is made of nothing. And you can stop them. And you can stay true to yourself. And now that you’ve fallen off both sides,
it’s really beautiful. So sure, you’re afraid, you should be. But fear can’t stop you–it can’t touch you–if
what you love is the spark, no matter what. If you’re still attached to the outcome, if
you still want the dream to turn out a certain way, your way, the way you think it should,
then that’s being attached to control. And when you’re attached to control, this
is what kills the spark. The honesty that I feel is, to word it, has
a real world repercussion or outcome and that…where’s the line there with control, I’m trying to
feel. Yes. As long as you’re trying to control it, you’re
suffering and the people you’re with are suffering. It’s the nature of control. At times in my life I’ve given myself so deeply
and so extraordinary support as though I’m held in the arms that are not separate from
me. Yes. And such a deep feeling of being held in Love
and being Love that holds me. Yes, that’s the Truth, Beau, you know that. Yeah. I know that, yeah. So don’t betray yourself, no matter what. Yes, there are consequences in the world. My family was very disappointed in my life. I didn’t bring them any of the joys I was
supposed to bring them: I didn’t give them children; I didn’t give them a career they
could be proud of; I dropped out of graduate school; I didn’t do anything right for my
family. And you could say in that, I caused them suffering. But I didn’t cause them suffering–they caused
their own suffering. I stayed true to myself. And so yes, there are consequences. You know, there’s always consequences. But if you stay true to yourself, you already
know this, you already know better, Beau. You know what it’s like to give yourself to
Love. So, I’m so glad with this call. Thank you so much, it’s so useful for everybody
listening or watching, to get this, because this is the human mind laid out as what we
all are faced with. So thank you for your teaching in this, Beau. I’m really grateful. Lemme know how it works. Thank you for… thank you for inspiring,
I feel stirred in an inspirational way. Thank you. Good. Well, listen, I’ll be in Australia soon, lemme
know how it turns out. A little side note to this: I’m reading a
book that I’m really enjoying. I got to this book because of… Noam Chomsky–Tom
Wolfe just wrote a book about Noam Chomsky, I didn’t know that, but I saw Noam Chomsky
being reviewed in, I think it was Harper’s, some magazine, it was a very snidey, sarcastic
kind of thing and it was Tom Wolfe who I really enjoy as a writer, but I thought he was too
rude to Chomsky in this. But in it, he referenced the book called ‘Don’t
Sleep, There’s Snakes.’ And so I went online, I got the book, I’m
reading it and I’m loving it. It’s a tribe that’s still there in the Amazon,
where instead of going to bed at night and saying, ‘Sweet dreams’ or ‘See you in the
morning,’ they say, ‘Don’t sleep, there are snakes.’ And there are snakes. And they don’t sleep. They stay up a good part of the night talking. This tribe, what’s so fascinating about them
is their grammar: they can’t talk about anything they haven’t experienced themselves or heard
from somebody who had experienced it. So they don’t have a mythology, they don’t
have a past, they don’t have a religion, they don’t have names for the different colors,
they have descriptions but not names. They can’t count. They tried, actually, learning to count. Some people in this village where the missionary
who went there to convert them to Jesus, they couldn’t count. After eight months they gave up. One, two, three was too much for them. What’s amazing about this tribe is they’re
happy. They’re content. And they live under unbelievable conditions. But when this white missionary asks them,
‘Why do you think I’m here? Do you know why I’m here?’, they said, ‘Yes,
because this is such a beautiful place. We have clean water. We have everything we want to eat. We have a good life. So that’s why you’re here.’ And they weren’t being ironic or sarcastic–that
was their true impression. They live in the best place in the world and
they’re happy. And they can’t count. And they have no money. And I’m not saying that, you know, I’m not
one of these Rousseau’ian noble savage kind of guys–I’ve been through that and I’ve seen
the horror of the noble savage and I have no illusions about that, though I know many
of you do. But in this case, this is a group of people
that have learned to live harmoniously among themselves with no money, no counting, no
past and no future. But also no development. They’re still living as they lived for thousands
of years. So there’s a price that’s paid for where we
are. And I’d say that I will choose this life because
as good as those people are, the world is being destroyed around them and they have
no say in it. But each one of us today has a stake and a
say. And to the degree that you don’t betray your
Self, to the degree that you’re true to your Self, to the degree that Love lives your life
instead of you, to the degree that Love is in control instead of you–we will pass it
on, heart to heart, mind to mind, soul to soul. And this world will wake up and come to peace. And it won’t just be a few people in the Amazon. All of us can live together as brothers and
sisters. So thank you for being here. May everyone wake up and be free. Thank you.

Robin Kshlerin



  1. Shir Arbel שיר ארבל Posted on September 15, 2016 at 5:12 am

    This is beautifull

  2. Robert Kithara Posted on September 16, 2016 at 9:10 pm

    Yes brother, we will pass it on in love and peace.
    I am in service to Love all the way every moment and day.
    Thank you.

  3. ACFI Training Posted on January 14, 2017 at 11:09 am

    So painfully honest. Thank you, please continue to break my heart open! <3

  4. Dee Posted on January 30, 2017 at 12:32 am

    Thank you so very much for confirming all the feelings I have been having about this topic.

     Though my deepest feelings constantly promted me to trust life fully some confusion due to ego fear conditioning still arose. Your interaction though is so filled with wonderful honesty, clarity and supportive heart energy that now I feel I can let go of fear. It may show up again but now after this teaching I feel I can just let it be. This way I don't have to go down any dead end streets and then let suffering push me back on track again.

     Both of you have inspired me to open wider the doors of integrity and trust and to "more freely" offer my whole life to service . After watching this and hearing your words I feel so ready now to allow more space for the spark within to grow into whatever it wants to express through this body.

    So much gratitude for your contribution; may you continue to be blessed by love.

  5. Bob Turano Posted on April 4, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    wow thank you so much…ive had things going on within…blockages of suvival fear and in truth there is nothing to worry about….ive been pennyless and stayed the course and was provided for ….i watched you with gangaji…i never saw anything so beautiful…..thank you…are you ever in LA…id love to meet you…im 72..bob is my name…love noam chopsky…….and inquiry….xoxo….peace!

  6. caty lee Posted on July 27, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    what's the song in the beginning????

  7. Karen 27 Posted on August 1, 2018 at 10:07 am

    Thank you Eli – beautiful and true. Your vulnerability and wisdom are heart opening and inspiring!

  8. mesfin dagnew Posted on February 5, 2020 at 4:37 pm

    "…mother earth will take care of me." so much love for you dear Eli thank you so much